July 2011
93 posts
Fuck you cold and twisty people. Fuck you.
Play
As tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are the ones who don't know what they really want.
Buy a blank notebook. Draw a huge heart on the cover. Don't write anything negative in here. If you need another outlet, make a separate notebook. This one is all about love, personal growth, and getting back up. Fill it with beautiful images, reaffirming thoughts, and quotes. Write in it every day, and each day write one thing you're grateful for in your life.
People are what matters or is it?
People disappoint me.
Shallow overpowering bitches. Insensitive masochists. People are dark and twisty and I may be one of them. But when I shut them away and just observe, it almost always feels like they disappoint me.
I am eternally sad and petty and I have abandonment issues. I am reminded today that I should not expect people to know that off the bat. It’s just that when you pour your life into someone, it means you trust them and somehow you expect them to always get you from that point on. When they don’t get you and you’re sick and tired of reminding them where you stand in your life right now, you just give up. You give up finding someone to care or be there. It’s tedious.
I don’t understand how I can try to be completely involved with each and every person and the rest of the world just escapes me.
People matters to me. I love relationships with people. Maybe I just have too damn high expectations. In a perfect world, people will know. People will care. People will not let me down. Vice versa.
But this is not a perfect world. I’m not even sure I am cut out to live in one hell of a perfect world either. That’s another gibberish story.
Pre pageant whatevers: JPIA General Assembly 2011
Kaching kaching, buhbling buhbling
Meet my owl. Hedwig. ☺♥♠
“
Do you ever feel that you’re disappearing?
All the time.
” —Grey’s Anatomy
“When I’m 80 years old and sitting in my rocking chair, I’ll be reading Harry Potter. And my family will say to me, “After all this time?” And I will say, “Always.”
—Alan Rickman (via loveyourchaos)
I really can't wait to see Harry Potter.
I’m already crying inside.
Atenistang JPIAN Ako: Off to the Limelight
My whole life suddenly felt like it was ripped out straight from a drama series.
“Sometimes my heart hurts so much I want to rip it off my chest with my own hands. I will fall apart. And I don’t have time to fall apart. So the choice of ripping it out would go away. It hurts again.”
—
My first ever vlog in a bit. Trololololol
I don't want to be here. I'd give anything to not be here. To have time to work out my life and just say "What about me?"
Grey's Anatomy marathon
Too much awesome.
June 2011
96 posts
Sometimes a day begins with nothing to look forward to
Here I am again. It’s just me and the little stories in my head. My little ones who haunt me and bug me throughout the day. I can live with just me and them but it will drive me insane. I will go on each day trying to silence them but almost four years of doing that everyday proved futile. I am still sure that this is not where I am supposed to be and I think that at this point in my life, that is a very bad thing to say. I’d like to believe that it takes guts to admit that you made wrong decisions in your life and you are now paying the price. I just hope it will not be too tedious or too long. I am still looking forward to another chapter of happiness and self-fulfillment but for now, let me be.
On a really unrelated matter, I just really think that I fucked up so bad. But it believe that it gets better.
It’s truly shitty when you try so hard not to pity yourself.
